How To Ruin A Date
by allonsysilvertongue
Summary: Haymitch Abernathy knows how to ruin a date in four simple words - "Nice dress, not yours." A Hayffie Modern AU.
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: This was initially posted as a hayffie one shot in Chap 252 of the Ballad titled How To Ruin A Date; A Guide By Haymitch Abernathy. However, since I've had several requests for there to be a second part, I obliged and wrote it which is why I started it as a new and separate story._

 _For those who have not read the original one-shot, this is_ _based on a post on facebook I had on how to ruin a date in four words. So this is for flutteringphalanges whose words were - "Nice Dress, Not Yours." It is a modern au where_ _Haymitch and Effie had never met before until the fateful date._

* * *

 **Chapter One: How To Ruin a Date; A Guide By Haymitch Abernathy**

Turning off the ignition, Haymitch alighted and slammed the truck door.

For a moment, he stood at the parking lot, looking at the restaurant with a hand on his hip. He had no knowledge of this place and had not bothered to look it up. Peeta had entered the coordinates into his phone so all he had done was to follow the directions in his GPS, and it had led him _here._

It was an atrocity.

 _Capitol_ was exactly the sort of place one would go to impress. The exterior was lighted up brightly so much so that his eyes were hurting just by looking at it. The place was posh, expensive and classy, and therefore, very much _not_ his scene.

Personally, he preferred the diner. The greasy food, the beer and his favourite whiskey was comforting to him.

It was clear that in his plaid shirt with the sleeves rolled up his arms, his jeans and scuffed boots, he was not dressed appropriately. It mattered little to him. He didn't want to be here in the first place. He was doing this to shut the kids.

As he drew nearer, he began to notice the odd looks given his way which of course, he ignored. People staring and talking about him had not bothered him before and it was not going to bother him now.

"Haymitch Abernathy," he told the man waiting to check the reservation list.

He was given a quick judgmental glance and for a second, Haymitch hoped that he would be turned away but that did not happen.

 _How disappointing._

Haymitch followed the man into the restaurant and was shown to his table where a woman was already sitting.

She definitely belonged in this place with her yellow dress which shimmered lightly under the lights. It complimented her honey blonde hair that she tied into a loose chignon. Her back was to him and as he walked towards her, he took in the sight of her; the delicate curve of her neck, the gold bangle adorning her wrist which was resting at the edge of the table and the smooth, endless legs crossed underneath.

What was it that Finnick had said about her? _As beautiful as a precious jewel..._ He was about to find out if Finnick was overselling her qualities.

Without a greeting or introducing himself, Haymitch pulled out the chair and dropped into it, startling her in the process.

He stared and didn't take his eyes off her. Finnick was right. She was a beauty _and_ so very clearly out of his league. If it wasn't for Finnick, Jo and the kids meddling, he doubt she would give him the time of day should he ever approach her.

"You are Haymitch, I presume," she said in a clipped tone, clearly annoyed. "You are late. It is bad manners to keep a lady waiting for a first _date."_

 _First date,_ he scoffed.

This was anything but.

"Nice dress," he remarked, making sure to keep his tone indifferent, almost lazy and then he let his gaze slid over to the woman on their left, on purpose.

"Oh, thank - "

"Not yours," he finished with a smirk when he caught her stare. "What's the matter, sweetheart? Never not been second best in a room?"

"My name is Effie, _not_ sweetheart," she pursed her lips. "Are you always this rude?"

"Since birth," he answered with careless shrug.

"Such a shame," she remarked and gestured at his face. "You are not half bad… if one were to discount your appalling clothes. Of course, I have seen better from others."

If she meant for him to take offense, she was mistaken because he smirked. Effie was clearly going for the _'eye for an eye'_ route – an insult for the way he presented himself for the gibe on her dress.

They were off to a good start, he thought, and she had not even properly introduced herself.

"I bet they were all out to please you. If you think I'm gonna be that way, you're wrong," he told her and lifted the menu in front of him so that it blocked her face.

Placing their order was the easy part. It was what came after that was not. Waiting for their food was difficult because this was when people usually pass the time with mindless chatter and small talks all in a bid to get to know each other.

Effie was no different.

Sipping her wine, she said, "Finnick told me that you have a store in – "

"You're actually pretty fuckin' hot," he made that observation and leaned back in his seat to let his eyes roamed over her. "How do you like it? You like it rough or ….? Hell, sweetheart, now I'm curious, which position makes you climax hard? What blows your mind? I'm a guy so sex's important to me."

Effie gaped at him. Her mouth fell open slightly at the audacity of his question and his forwardness especially since they had only just met.

The crudeness in which he had asked those questions was not something any woman wanted to hear during a first date but he was doing it on purpose. He wanted something to show the kids that they should stay out of his business. Despite them being insistent that he should give _this_ a try, he had no inclination for this to lead anywhere.

She inhaled deeply and he didn't need to have known her long for him to know that she was trying to remain calm.

"How long had it been since you went on a date?"

What she was trying to imply was not lost on him – he was terrible at this.

"I don't date," he told her the first truthful thing about him. "I go to bars and let the drinks do the rest. How 'bout we skip dinner and get to the best part?"

She ignored his question. Instead, she narrowed her eyes at him.

"Tell me, Haymitch, why did you agree to this?" she gestured at the space between them.

"Got nothin' to do tonight, so why not?"

"That's it? You are here to fill the time?"

"Yeah, 'cause I'm certainly ain't here for the wine," he tapped the glass. "Maybe… I'm here to get lucky. So, what do you say? There's a motel not far from here."

She stood up abruptly and flushed a little when the scraping of her chair drew the attention of other nearby patrons in the restaurant.

"I do not know the kind of information our mutual friend, Finnick, have been telling you about me but let me just make it clear to you, Haymitch, that I am _not_ the kind of woman to sleep with a man on a first date, and certainly not with someone as rude and uncivilised as you."

"That's a shame," he mocked. "We could have had a fun night between the sheets. I could have shown you a good time, loosen you up a bit."

He supposed it was his attitude or perhaps, she simply had enough because she grabbed her purse and stormed out. Haymitch chuckled quietly to himself. Leaning to his side, he watched her walk away and wondered if she would trip on that ridiculously high heel in her hurry to get away from him.

They didn't even make it through the first course. The kids would be in an uproar if he were to tell them what transpired tonight.

He left some money on the table and made his way out.

Effie was outside, lingering by the sidewalk as she ran her hands up and down her arms to ward off the chill.

"Waitin' for something?"

She squeaked in surprised and then moved a step away from him, as if being near him would tarnish her reputation.

"Yes," she answered tersely. "I called Uber for a car so it should be here any moment."

Haymitch grabbed her wrist and brought it up to his face to get a look at her phone. The map was on the screen and it was tracking the journey of the car.

"It's ten minutes away," he called out her lie.

She pulled her hand away with a glare.

"Get in the truck," he jerked his head towards where he had parked it earlier. "I'll send you home."

"I don't think you heard me. I am not that sort of - "

"Yeah, yeah, I know," he raised both hands defensively. He softened his voice and for once since they met, he made sure not to be antagonising towards her. "I'm just gonna send you home, alright? I won't try to get you naked and into your bed."

She seemed to contemplate her options, her gaze dropping to her phone and then to him and the truck.

"It's the least I can do after I ruined your night. Come on, gentleman's honour," he grinned, putting his palm on his chest where his heart would be. "I'll send you home safely."

"You are anything but a gentleman. I will have you know that I have a pepper spray in my purse and the authorities on speed dial. So don't you try anything funny, Haymitch."

"Yeah, okay, got it," he nodded seriously. "I'm not going to hurt you, Effie."

Perhaps it was because he was not actively trying to sabotage anything now that the date was over so the ride home was surprisingly amicable and even if there were a few disagreements, they managed a civil conversation. Mostly, Effie did the talking while he listened.

He learnt that she had been in attendance at Finnick's wedding a year ago. He didn't notice her. It was difficult to when both him and Johanna was more interested with what they had to offer at the open bar. He also learnt that she visited little Finn once a month and doted on the boy. Again, he had never crossed paths with her when _he_ visited which was rare but it happened.

Effie had heard of Katniss and Peeta from Finnick and Annie, but had never met them just as she had never met him until today.

"So…." he started once his truck was in her driveway. He glanced in her direction. "Brought you back safe like I said, didn't I?"

"Thank you," she afforded him a smile and he liked the sight of it. She alighted, closed the door and stooped a little to talk to him through the unwind truck window. "You don't have to call me. Let's not see each other again… Not in this capacity at least."

He couldn't help a chuckle.

"Yeah," he nodded. "Good luck in the dating scene, sweetheart. Maybe the next one won't be such an asshole to you like I was, yeah?"

"I'm glad you realised your own horrible behaviour."

"I had something to prove," he shrugged, finally admitting that reason to her. "You can tell Finnick, who will tell the kids, that tonight was a disaster. Do me a solid and tell him you don't to see me again, alright? That's the only way the kids won't insist on setting me on a date again."

She paused and blinked at him as the realisation set in.

"You were doing it on purpose…" she breathed.

It was the look on her face that made him feel a twinge of regret.

"Yeah, look, sweetheart, I'm sorry. I ain't... I'm not someone you want to have a commitment with. I'm not good with…. It's better this way."

"Very well," she nodded even if she did not understand it.

"You look - " he paused. "You're gorgeous and that's a … That dress suits you," he muttered. "You didn't deserve what happened tonight."

Effie stepped back so he could drive off. "Goodbye."

"Yeah… Goodnight."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2: How To Act When You Meet Her Again**

Haymitch waited and counted and waited.

It took Katniss and Peeta two days to barge through his door, demanding that he explain his disgraceful behaviour. He was also dignified with a phone call from Finnick on the very same afternoon.

"She was distraught," Peeta informed him. "We feel terrible about it. We were the one to - "

"That'll teach you to stay the fuck out of my business," he pointed out, a little smug now that he knew his plan worked. "Told you already, didn't I? I ain't good at dating," he spat the word as if it was poison.

The exasperated glance Peeta exchanged with Katniss made his lips twitched in amusement. If the girl was known to be stubborn, Peeta's determination was unshakeable.

"I've seen you charm people and talk your way out of trouble," Peeta said carefully, wary of prodding him into a state of agitation. "You are good with words and you can be charming which means you are definitely capable of making it a pleasant evening for Effie if you truly wanted to."

"So maybe I don't want to," Haymitch said pointedly.

"If it's true what you say that you are not good at this, that's all the reason you need to get back out there. Practice," Peeta glanced behind his shoulder at Katniss, silently seeking her support.

"Leave it, boy," he glowered. "It's done and let that be a lesson to you both not to try anythin' else. She doesn't want to see me again."

"How do you feel about that?" Peeta prodded.

"How do I - " Haymitch snorted. "I don't even fuckin' know the woman. It's no loss to me."

Peeta shook his head.

"Talk to him, Katniss," he said which earned him a glare to the back of his head as he left Haymitch's house.

"I know you're sarcastic and rude but from what Finnick told me of what happened… That was… Come on, Haymitch, that was overboard. It sounded outrageous even coming from you. Did you do it on purpose?"

Haymitch shrugged as a response and that was all the answer Katniss needed.

"Whatever," Katniss said. "It's your life. We were only trying to help. Peeta's upset about it because _he_ vouched for you and Finnick did too, so don't mess things up again especially during Finn's party. No need to get under Finnick's skin even more on his son's birthday."

"When's that?" he feigned ignorance even if he was very well aware of when Finn was born.

Katniss glared at him.

"Try to remember," she gritted her teeth in annoyance before storming out.

 _Kids_ , he chuckled, _they're so easy to drive up the wall._

It wasn't always that Haymitch made an effort to watch the amount of alcohol he consumed but when the weekend of Finn's birthday party rolled around, he rationed his drinking. A few months had passed but he remembered what Katniss had told him and something tugged at his heartstrings knowing that Peeta and Finnick had vouched for him. He didn't know what the kids saw in him to speak up on his behalf but it was not something Haymitch wanted to take for granted so the least he could do was not to ruin another event _._

By the time Friday evening rolled around, Haymitch was waiting at his front porch, his bag on his feet.

Katniss' eyes widened in surprise when she exited from her house to see him ready and that neither she nor Peeta needed to drag him out from his stupor for the trip.

The trip to Finnick's beach house was long overdue. He might have been passed out drunk on Finn's first birthday but he wouldn't miss him turning two.

They arrived on Saturday morning and Annie was busy decorating the house for that afternoon's party. Haymitch lounged on the chair and when called upon, dragged his feet to help hang the _'Happy Birthday!'_ banner up on the wall. The entire setting was cringe worthy to him but he wisely kept his mouth shut.

He was on a self-declared break when she walked into the house. He truly did not know what he thought was going to happen but he should have known that she would be there. It had been nearly three months since the disastrous date and it had slipped his mind that Finnick was a mutual friend. In fact, he was starting to suspect that this could have been the kids' _or_ Finnick's intention all along.

When she walked into the room, he couldn't help but stare. She was as gorgeous as he remembered her to be, graceful and elegant. Her presence itself commanded people's attention. She lifted the huge hat on her head as she greeted Annie with a warm smile, and her eyes searched the room, taking in the surroundings.

"This is wonderful!" she praised as her hand made a sweeping gesture towards the decorated living room.

Before she could notice that he was in the room, Haymitch ducked and slipped out of the back door.

It was best to avoid her. There was no need to force themselves into having an awkward conversation and to maintain some sort of civility in the presence of other people.

Except, of course, as fate would have it, that did not work out so well.

He was outside the house, roaming around endlessly, wishing he could have a drink when he collided with something small and solid just as he rounded the corner.

"Oh," someone squeaked. "Please watch – Haymitch!"

His hand was holding her steady and he nodded by way of greeting, "Effie."

"I – I was not expecting to cross paths with you here. Were you invited to Finn's birthday party, too?"

"Yeah, was invited last year. Missed the kid turning one so makin' up for lost time," he shrugged. "I assume you're here for the party, yeah?"

"Yes, yes, I'm here for his party, too. I was invited last year just like you were but I had an important meeting I couldn't get away from."

Effie gave him a small smile but he could see the wariness in her eyes when she spoke to him. He supposed a part of her was expecting him to be rude and insulting towards her again.

"If you are making up for lost time," she glanced towards him, "shouldn't you be inside where Finn is instead of following me to the beach?"

He glanced behind him at the house.

"He's got enough attention at the moment. Shouldn't _you_ be inside? The beach can wait, it's still gonna be there in the morning."

Instead of a verbal answer, Effie lifted her hand with a guilty grin and he caught sight of the cigarette wedged between two fingers. He nodded in understanding.

"This," she took a puff, "and I was actually planning on clearing some work-related emails on my phone out here until I met you."

From that, he gleaned that she was probably someone important, someone who was busy with her career all the time.

"Looks like I'm destined to ruin your plan yet again," he winked. He stuffed his hands in the pockets of his jacket as he walked next to her before saying, "I'll leave you to your work. See you back at the party."

He turned to walk back to the house only to realise that she had caught up with him, the cigarette no longer wedged between her fingers. Haymitch watched as she placed a mint paper strip on her tongue, finding the entire act strangely enticing.

"You didn't ruin my plan," she assured. "The connection out here is not that great anyway for me to access my email. Are you staying the night?"

Haymitch gave a disgruntled answer. "Yeah, had no choice. The next train won't be until tomorrow afternoon."

"Oh, I know, which is why I chose to drive," Effie grinned, proud of her hindsight. "But I will be here a few days in any case. A long overdue vacation, so to speak. I love it here. It's peaceful and calming."

"Hmmm."

"Where are you staying?" Effie asked.

"Motel – right down the end of the street. Let me guess... Some fancy resort?" He mocked. "You look the kind."

"You do like to assume, don't' you?" she teased. "As a matter of fact, I will be staying at the house. Annie has set up a guest bedroom for me. I prefer it here. Does that surprise you?"

"Yeah," he admitted. "Thought you were more of the royal treatment – fancy spa, having someone on your beck and call."

Instead of being insulted by his impression of her, Effie laughed – something else that surprised him.

"Their house... It's homely. I don't get that back in my apartment. I don't get that in a resort, even if it's five stars."

 _She's lonely._

That was what he got from her.

It was no wonder the kids had set them up on a date. Two lonely people... He wanted to scoff at the kids' logic.

"With Johanna?" He frowned. "She's always around, right?"

"Yes," Effie laughed in amusement. "This might be difficult to believe considering how different Johanna and I are but I have strangely formed an odd friendship with her."

"Right," he snorted. "I got to see it to – Damn it," he cursed as he staggered a step back to bear Finn's weight. "Careful!"

Finn had caught sight of them approaching the house and had come running at full speed, as fast as his tiny legs could carry him, and jumped on Haymitch. He clung on Haymitch's front shirt which forced the older man to stoop down before his shirt could tear and haul the boy up, settling him on his hip.

He was rewarded with a grin.

"What do you want?" Haymitch asked with a frown even if his voice had softened considerably as he spoke to Finn. "Tired of makin' the others chase after you?"

He started pointing to the beach, insistently leaning forward and putting much of his weight on it. Haymitch held him fast.

"Not now," he grumbled. "It ain't time to strip down to your birthday suit just yet."

The laugh coming from his right startled him.

"You should listen to Haymitch, darling," Effie agreed, brushing Finn's hair back neatly into place with her fingers. "Look at you – you're so handsome today. Let's not get sand all over your clothes until we've cut your cake, yes?"

"Listen, I got somethin' for you but we gotta go inside," Haymitch tried to pacify him. "You wanna see it or what?"

Lacking the appropriate words to communicate properly at his age, Finn pouted when he realised that Haymitch was carrying him away from the beach. The pout disappeared and in its place was a curious grin when Haymitch grabbed a hastily wrapped package and gave it a little shake to grab Finn's attention.

"Present," he declared unnecessarily.

Haymitch placed Finn down on the sofa and took his seat. With clumsy fingers, Finn tried to tear open the wrapper and Haymitch let him. At least that would occupy his attention for a while.

"Oh, will you help him?" Effie urged in exasperation. "He's tearing the wrapper into pieces and making a mess."

"He's a kid. Kids make a mess out of everythin'. Sit down, sweetheart, and relax. Loosen your corset and have a drink, or something."

All he got for that was a glare.

When Finn finally managed to completely unwrapped his present, he eagerly pawed at the plastic sheet protecting the blanket in the shape of a shark which admittedly, Haymitch had bought at the very last minute from a souvenir house by the beach.

That was not information that the boy knew and even if he did, it was inconsequential. His excitement grew by leaps and bounds when Haymitch rolled the blanket out from him and he wriggled himself into the jaws of the shark.

Effie, on the other hand, was quite aware of where he had obtained his gift. She tossed him a knowing smile.

"It's adorable," she granted him that at least. "You are sweet on him, I noticed. You must have a soft spot for children."

"Don't know about that," he muttered. "Don't spend my time much around them."

He resolutely tried to ignore her _and_ the heat rising in his cheek from knowing that she had witnessed the whole exchange or that perhaps, she of all people was the one to see that he had a softer side after all.

It wasn't long before Finn lost interest in the blanket. He ran off, leaving the blanket on Haymitch's lap and him alone with Effie once more.

"You are very different," Effie said as she took a seat next to him. "With him, I mean."

"He's done nothin' wrong against me for me to act like an asshole with him. Kid's innocent."

"I was, too, but you were still…" she exhaled and let the sentence trailed.

He could fill in the blanks himself.

"Don't take it personally, sweetheart, I had nothin' against you that night. I was just tryin' to make a point and I'm _sorry_ , alright?"

"You've already apologised," she waved him away. "I just couldn't help but think that if you… If Finnick or Peeta had not meddled and if you had asked me out because no one made you do it, I wonder if you would still truly be terrible at it as you claim to be."

"Wouldn't know," he shrugged. "I don't do dates. Probably still be a mess. Don't worry, Effie, I'm sure it's not you."

"For what it's worth," she started after considering what he said, "it was a memorable date. Nobody had been as insulting and as condescending as you were, so truly lacking in manners. It is definitely something that I will not forget so easily so there's that. Congratulations, I supposed, for sticking out as compared to the others"

"An honour," he said in jest. "Had many of those after me?"

"Oh no, just a handful," she answered. "I do not remember much from it. I assumed your plan worked and they stopped trying to set you up altogether?" she teased.

"Yeah," he chuckled, "flawlessly. Thanks, sweetheart, for that very detailed report to Finnick. He called and talked my ears off."

"I did my best," she grinned, "to save other unfortunate women from you."

He nodded with a smile. They watched from their place on the sofa as Finnick talked to his son into sitting still as the cake was brought out.

"We should join them. It won't do to sit here by the side as Finn cuts his cake," Effie said.

There was the obligatory birthday song which Effie sung enthusiastically together with the rest and shot him a disapproving look when he did not join in. There were candles to be blown out and photos to be taken. Haymitch made the slip when everyone was busy taking turns to have their photo with the child of the hour.

"Haymitch! Haymitch, wait."

He turned and groaned quietly to himself when he saw Effie hurrying after him.

"Go back inside," he growled.

"Where are you going?" she demanded. "We took a group photo and I realised you were not there!"

"Party's nearly over so I'm headin' out," he informed her. "Need something stronger than just fruit punch. See you around… or maybe never."

"How rude," she huffed. "There is a Seafood Shack down the corner with excellent margarita. We could head there."

"What? No. You're not invited," he shot her down. " _I_ am heading out. You're going back inside. Take the hint."

"Don't presume to tell me what to do and what not to do. I'm _dying_ for some shrimp cocktail. I was planning on getting some tonight and since you're going off with no clear direction, why not come along with me?"

"No, no, no," Haymitch shook his head. " _We_ are not going anywhere together. I'm gonna go look for a bar _on my own._ "

"Very well, if you are so adverse to spending time with me alone, I can always invite Johanna. After all, the more the merrier."

"Oh, fuck no," Haymitch spat. "Not Jo. She thinks it's fuckin' funny to openly hit on me lately only to tell me that if I don't want her to flirt, I should find myself a woman. It's all one big fuckin' conspiracy with those four inside. If you want to get away from the house so damn bad, you come alone."

"I'm not trying to get away from the house," she argued. "I have cravings and I – "

"You want to go or not?" he demanded.

She glared and marched towards the direction of the Seafood Shack.

"Are you coming?"

He rolled his eyes at her bossy tone but followed her, nonetheless.

* * *

 _What do you think of them meeting each other again? How will Seafood Shack turn out for them?_


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 - How To Have a Decent Conversation**

It took her being occupied and in a second, he took the opportunity to discreetly watch her; the slight tilt of her head as she perused the menu, the long and slender finger moving down the page as she scanned each item on it and the way she bit on her bottom lip as she considered her options.

"I've made up my mind," she declared.

"Finally," he muttered.

When she finally placed her order, Haymitch stared at her. It was the two exact things she had told him she wanted even before they left Finnick's house – margarita and shrimp cocktail.

"You already knew what you wanted," he deadpanned, "you didn't have to take ten fuckin' minutes browsing the menu."

"I don't see what the problem is. Has it ever occurred to you that perhaps I might want something else? It just so happen that there was nothing on the menu that I wanted more than shrimp cocktail."

"Is this why none of your other dates worked out? You're _difficult –_ that's what the problem is," he snorted. "Careful, sweetheart. You don't want to give other men the impression that you might be a bit of a bitch, yeah?"

She stared at him coldly. "I was told you like difficult women."

"Oh? Was that all for me, then?" he mocked, refusing to back down to the lights of her.

"Of course not," she waved him away. " _We_ are done. There is no need for me to put up an act for a man who do not intend to pursue me, is there?"

He chuckled. "Your logic's pretty messed up, Trinket."

Interestingly enough, he leaned forward suddenly curious.

"Out of curiousity, how exactly would you act if that date had not been a disaster and I wanted to say ... _'pursue'_ you," he air quoted. "Hypothetically, of course."

Effie did not answer immediately. She allowed the waitress to place their food on the table before thanking her with a smile.

"Well, you are not and that date _was_ a disaster so the point is moot," she said once the waitress was gone.

"Okay, just to put it out there, it wouldn't have worked even if I wasn't being an asshole that night."

"Why is that?"

"You ain't gonna be yourself, yeah? You'd be puttin' up a front and I get it. I get why some people do that except... you know, I ain't sure I'm gonna like that and I can see through an act most of the time, drunk or not. You should just be yourself and if the guy you're with doesn't like it then..." He shrugged, "you know you don't have to waste your time on him then. It's gotta be _you_ that he wants, not... not someone else, not some fake smiles and polite laughter or whatever other shit you do to look desirable"

"Haymitch Abernathy," her lips curled upwards into a smile, "the love guru. I was not expecting _that_ from you of all people. I am truly surprised, and I mean it in a good way."

He cringed. Finding something to distract himself, he grabbed his glass of whiskey.

"I have been wondering... I know Finnick quite well, I must say, and he would not have sent me on a date with just _any_ man. He recommended you which mean that there must be something good about you. Your behaviour that night… Of course, you've told me yourself that you did it just to get Katniss and Peeta off your back but... Why were they insistent on setting you up?"

"They know I won't ever go on one myself – that I needed a little push so to speak. They..." He exhaled and without asking for her permission, took a shrimp and dipped it in the cocktail sauce. "They think I've been alone for too long. They're worried 'bout me or some shit. Those kids... They mean well but I don't need them meddlin'."

"I see... Were you never interested in any of the women they paired you up with so far?"

"There weren't many," he chuckled. "Two – someone else and you. Don't get me wrong, sweetheart, you're gorgeous. I ain't blind – I know a pretty woman when I see one and you turned heads just walkin' in here. That guy over there," he jerked his chin to someone behind her shoulder, "has been checking you out since we sat down."

"I'm sensing a 'but' here..."

"I'm just not interested when I'm pushed into doing somethin'. You were just – uh – collateral damage."

"Is that so?" Effie tilted her head. "I did consider the thought that perhaps you ... lean the other way."

"What other – no," his eyes widened when her implications set in. "Nah, I like women. I think they're God sent. If we were at a bar and I didn't know you, I'd have tried to pick you up."

"You wouldn't have succeeded," she informed him confidently.

"Doesn't matter. I like the challenge," he winked.

"Is that what you do? Pick women up from bars? One night stands?" She queried. "You have been in a relationship before, yes?"

Haymitch sighed in irritation. He was tired of her questions. All he wanted was to have a drink, not be drilled on the history of his relationship.

"Okay, sweetheart, I'm gonna answer this one last question and then you're gonna drop it," he told her with a note of finality. "You prod any further, it's gonna be _really_ personal and I don't want to do personal – not tonight."

"Fair enough," she agreed and waited for his answer to her earlier question.

"In somethin' serious... Yeah, sure, once," he told her without meeting her eyes. He plucked another shrimp from the bowl. "Lost her. Never got into anything serious after that."

His girl was dead but Effie interpreted it as everyone else would – that his relationship ended for some reasons; that she left him over a disagreement. He wished that was the case. He wished it had been that simple because at least then, she would still be alive.

"Since we are not doing questions, can I tell you something?"

Haymitch raised his gaze to see her playing with the pendant on her necklace and naturally, he was drawn to the sight of her cleavage.

He tore his gaze away to look at her.

"Sure."

"For quite some time now, I believe that I am the problem," she admitted, stirring her margarita. "I couldn't pinpoint the exact reason. Perhaps, I had too high a standard or too picky or like you said it, too difficult. No one lasted for long. No one is committed enough to stay. I have a good career but it is not enough when I still return home to an empty house. It is not... _fulfilling_ and I want something meaningful. I know that I am beautiful," she went on which caused Haymitch to raise a brow at her statement, wondering how one could be afflicted with self-doubt and yet confident at the same time. "That was the first thing you said about me too – that I am gorgeous and pretty – but that comes with its own set of problems, doesn't it?

Not quite understanding it, he asked, "What sort of problem would that be?"

"Mostly, men only want to sleep with me. It didn't help that when you first met me and when we _barely_ knew each other, the first thing you told me was that you wanted to take me to bed. It just reinforces the - "

"I didn't mean it," Haymitch muttered. He had the grace to look ashamed. He wasn't sure just how his words and actions had affected her. He didn't think the fact that she was uncertain of herself should be put on him but it didn't make him feel good either to have acted like a jerk towards her. "You know that I didn't mean it."

"I did not know it then. Not until much later when you shed light on what you were doing. It still made me wonder if I am only just worth taking to bed."

"Don't be stupid, Trinket," he growled. "'Course, you're not. Look, I don't really know you but I'm sure you have your own set of redeeming qualities. Finnick and Peeta wouldn't throw me to a harpy."

Effie frowned. "That is not such a nice word to describe _any_ women."

"You know what I mean," he stared at her pointedly before calling for the bill. He had spent far too long with her tonight and it was time to end it.

Haymitch paid the bill and stood up, ready to leave. Effie was still seated. She had the receipt in hand and had mentally divided the bill in half. Just as she grabbed her purse to settle her share of the bill, Haymitch waved her off.

"It's fine," he shrugged. He took the receipt back from her and folded it in half to keep in his breast pocket. "Come on."

They left the restaurant together and he couldn't help but notice the same man _still_ eyeing her with open interest. If he wasn't around, there was no doubt the man would have tried a move on her. Haymitch caught his gaze and lifted a challenging eyebrow just because he felt like it.

"Johanna and Annie must be wondering where I've went to," she pointed out with a laugh.

He walked next to her with his hands jammed in the pocket of his trousers. The cold breeze brought a freshness to the air that combined with then scent of her perfume, produced something unique that made him want to reach out to her so he could stand and smell the air.

"I had a really good time tonight," she confessed. "You are surprisingly a good listener."

Haymitch froze, his feet coming to a stop on the pathway. She turned when she realised that he was no longer walking next to her.

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah," he nodded and as an afterthought, said, "Just so we're on the same page, that was not a date or anythin', sweetheart. I wanted a drink. You wanted shrimp cocktail. That's it. Nothin' more."

"Of course," she hummed with a smile that made him wary. "Although, hypothetically speaking, if tonight that been _that_ night, I would definitely favour a second date with you. I would even ask you to call me."

That threw him off slightly but he gathered himself just as quickly and threw her a smirk.

"And hypothetically speaking, for the sake of argument, say I didn't call you after a few days or so..."

"I would have asked Finnick for your number, obviously, and I would have called you myself. If I want something, I will take control and do everything to get what I want."

He was not expecting the thrill and excitement at hearing her talk like that. Haymitch licked his lips and took a step closer towards her.

"You would do that, huh?"

"Yes, there is no point waiting around," she continued. "I believe firmly in taking actions."

"Really?"

"Thank you for walking me home," she said instead.

He blinked, startled and glanced around. True enough, Finnick's beach house was within sight. He should have gone to the left when they exited Seafood Shack instead, he had walked with her all the way and now his motel was at the other end.

"Sure, no problem," he shrugged.

It was not until later after he had checked in and was taking his clothes off when he caught sight of the receipt he had taken out from his pocket and thrown into the bin that he noticed. He walked towards the small rubbish bin in the room to retrieve the crumpled piece of paper. There at the back was her number.

His gaze kept darting from the number and his phone on the bedside table.

"Got a magic pen I didn't know about?" he typed into his phone because he really did not recall seeing her with a pen. "Puttin ur # on the back of a receipt – that's cheesy. I expected better."

He stared at the words and what the hell, it was just a text. He sent it to her.

* * *

 _How did you think it went? Was it a date by definition? Was it not?_

 _One more chapter to go._


	4. Chapter 4

_Here we are with the final chapter for How To Ruin A Date :)_

* * *

 **Chapter 4 : How To Get Her**

It was never a date.

At least, they had never admitted it as such between themselves, even if to others, whenever they met – and it was a handful – it seemed like a date by definition.

The first time Haymitch and Effie met each other again was a few weeks after Finn's birthday party. She had called him claiming there was an emergency at the workplace.

"What? Someone spilled coffee on your shipment of silk cloth?" Haymitch snickered.

"This is not a time to joke, Haymitch. I need your help – are you free at the moment?"

"No. Too busy. Hang up the phone, sweetheart."

"Too busy? What are you doing?"

"I have a store to run, woman. No time to chit-chat."

Effie had asked and demanded, and to his amusement tried to seduce him into agreeing.

"Don't work well over the phone – that seducing act you tried to pull. Listen, I got a customer – _Mornin' Sae, anythin' I can help you with today?_ \- You heard that?"

"You are not fooling me. You are not _that_ friendly - what you are, is a grumpy man. Haymitch, _please_. I need your help."

It was not her promise to cover his gas and other expenses that made him relent in the end. It was Effie sounding so desperate that made him call in Katniss to mind the store for a few hours.

Haymitch drove to her office building.

"Chief," he mocked, walking into her corner office with the clear view of the sprawling city centre. "So this is what the director's office of a fabric supply company looks like, huh? Fancy."

"Not only supply, we're branching out into design too. I just came out from an interview to hire a team of stylist," she prattled without a care. "Have you heard of Cinna?"

"Can't say I have. Quit wastin' any more of my time, sweetheart."

"Very well. Now, if you will follow me..."

For four hours, he became her client's chauffeur with frequent texts from her to check on them.

 ** _Is everything okay?_**

 _Fine._

 ** _To which destination are you sending my client to now?_**

 _Nowhere. Hes taking a piss. I'm in the car doing crossword 2 pass time. Clue: sliced cheese, 4 letters across – go._

 **Feta - feta cheese. You shouldn't be doing crosswords while working. Honestly, where is your work etiquette?**

 _Woke up on the wrong side of the bed or something? Who put a pole up ur ass? Or was it there since birth?_

 **Are you on schedule?**

 _U keep texting me to check on us, I'm gonna hv 2 drive ur client into a tree. That'll shut u up._

Her text messages promptly stopped flooding his phone. At the end of the day, Effie thanked him by taking him out to dinner at a restaurant that was still too upper class for his taste.

That was not a date.

That was Effie expressing her gratitude.

Another month passed before Haymitch contacted her again. Having won a pair of tickets to a play for the crossword puzzle competition, Haymitch had no real need for it.

"I've got two tickets to a fuckin' play. They could have paid my tab at the bar instead of sending me this or something _useful_ ," he grumbled. "None of the kids want to go. Finn's sick so Finnick and Annie aren't willin' to get a sitter for the boy. Jo isn't interested in things like this. I thought of you. You can have the tickets."

"Oh, how very sweet of you," she trilled over the phone, "even if you thought of me last."

"Right," he muttered. He had never been described as _'sweet'_ but Effie always acted as if someone had knocked her over the head with a club and she had lost all of her senses so Haymitch didn't bother correcting her. "Heard you're going on a date or somethin' next week, yeah? You can use the tickets – take that unfortunate guy to the play."

"Where did you know that from?"

"Called Finnick before you, didn't I? He told me. Give me your address so I can get Peeta to swing by the post office and mail 'em out to you tomorrow. Should get it in two days."

"Don't be silly, Haymitch. Those are _your_ tickets."

"Technically, you have a 12% claim on it – feta cheese, remember?"

"Did you just pluck that number out of thin air?"

"Doesn't matter. I ain't going so I'm giving them away. Do you want it or not? Thought a play might be right up your alley."

"You and I could go," Effie pointed out and he scoffed. "Well, it is only fair. 88% of the claim, yes? I won't have it any other way. Is it an open ticket? I am free this Friday evening if you are."

He did not care for a pair of tickets. They could go to waste for all it was worth and he wouldn't bat an eyelash. He was not going to go to a play he had no interest in with Effie Trinket. Absolutely not.

Except, of course he did.

Effie had called Peeta on Thursday to ask if he had something appropriate to wear and that had sent the kids into a storm.

"I didn't know the both of you were in contact. Especially after that disastrous date and I don't recall giving you her contact details," Peeta said, crossing his arms as he propped his hip against the counter.

"So you asked her out to watch the play?" Katniss jumped in with another question before he could answer Peeta's.

"I didn't ask her out. All I did was offer her the fuckin' tickets. _She'_ s the one who thinks I should go with her. Will the two of you just back off? Remind me not to do something nice again – should have thrown the damn tickets."

"But you're going right?" Peeta asked. "Because Effie told me that she tailored a dress just for the occasion – something blue. You like blue, Haymitch?"

Katniss snickered. "You should totally wear something blue - to match, like a couple. Just putting the idea out there."

He hated those kids. He hated them for putting images of Effie in a blue dress in his mind because now, that was all he could think about; Effie Trinket in a tailored blue dress. He tried to imagine how she would look. He tried to picture the cut of the dress and the curves that it would flaunt.

When Friday afternoon rolled around, he decided he didn't want to imagine it. He wanted to see it for himself, so he went, purely out of curiosity and nothing else.

"Nice dress - "

"Don't," she warned him, remembering the first night that they met.

"I was _really_ going to say yours, sweetheart," he flashed Effie a grin. "I'm just here to accompany you. Don't want you gettin' bored to death. We all know just how magnetic and intriguing I am as a person - a play 'bout a Dracula can't be that interesting."

"If that makes you sleep peacefully at night, continue believing so. After all, confidence is key."

He glanced in her direction, half amused.

When little Finn turned three, there was another party. Haymitch and Effie met again at the beach house. This time, it was Effie who grabbed his wrist and tugged him towards the door where they slipped unnoticed as the party dwindled to an end.

They ended at the Seafood Shack again.

"I'm gonna save us some time and go ahead to order that shrimp cocktail you seem to have a thing for, " Haymitch said without giving her the chance to look through the menu.

"Why, Haymitch, it's as if you don't want to spend more time with me," she teased. "I'm a delight to be around, you know."

"Not to me," he retorted.

"Finn adores you," she remarked out of the blue while they waited for their order to arrive. "You are great with him. Do you have any experience with children?"

He lifted an eyebrow at the question. There were plenty of topics she could have chosen and yet, she chose that to fill the silence.

"Only my brother when he was a kid. What's your point?"

"I like the camaraderie you have with Finn. It is so ... pure and genuine. You are a different person with him around. I'm curious, have you ever wanted children of your own?" Effie asked.

He stared at her before tearing his gaze away, and rubbed the back of his neck. That was the only brief indication that the question made him uncomfortable because in a second, his eyes were on hers again, bright with mischief.

"Children seem like a good idea. Yeah, brilliant. Katniss and Peeta will stop thinkin' I'm lonely and crap like that, yeah? If no one else is willin' to father your child, you offering to carry mine?" He smirked. "When should we start makin' some babies? Come on, sweetheart, it's gonna be fun."

Effie sighed.

"Must you be so difficult? You are never serious."

"Don't take life so seriously, sweetheart, we all end up dead anyway."

"Do not be so morbid!" Effie chided.

"Don't ask me that question again. Deal?"

"Very well," she acquiesced to his demand. "I love Finn. There are times when I think of him as the son I could never have," she admitted with a wistful smile.

"What?"

"Given the chance... Given the chance, I would love to have children of my own," she glanced at him with a forced smile that made him frown.

"So why don't you? Waitin' for the right man?"

"I was young and selfish," she said quietly, "I only cared about myself and my career. I was convinced I did not want children so I took care of it. Now... Well, it is too late."

"If you can't... I'm sure there's someone out there willing to accept that fact."

"How optimistic of you," Effie declared.

"You just gotta be honest with him," Haymitch shrugged. "Some men wants a family, some is content with just... you as you are."

"Which category do you fall under?" Effie asked.

"Pushing it," he tilted his glass of whiskey in her direction. "What time are you leaving?"

Effie checked the time on her phone.

"Soon. I do not really want to leave," she glanced out of the window towards the beach and sighed. "It is so peaceful here."

"But you must," Haymitch said as he called for the bill.

"I must," she laughed. "Oh, no, Haymitch. Let me settle it this time," she stopped him with a hand on his wrist. "If you are to pay for me again, then it _might_ just be a date. You don't want that, do you?"

Her smile was teasing. Her blue eyes twinkled as it found his gaze. Haymitch was not smiling. He was staring at her quite intently.

What he wanted, despite his claim earlier, was to spend a little bit more time with her. He didn't want a date. He wanted her company and right now, once she leaves, he didn't know when he would see her again. At some point during this one and a half year that they knew each other, Haymitch had considered her a friend and he didn't have many of those. Sure, she was difficult and there were things in her life, little quirks and habits, that made no sense to him but it was what made her Effie. In a way, their different lifestyles kept her interesting to him.

"I assume you have no objections to a lady paying the bills?"

"Wha – Nah. You want to pay for my drink, you go ahead, sweetheart. I ain't gonna say no to something free," he winked.

"My car is at Finnick's house. I will have to walk back. Well, I shall make my way back by the beach," she announced just outside of Seafood Shack. "One last chance at fresh air and the view of the sea before I return to all the bricks and mortar tomorrow."

"A'right. See you around then," he stood there watching her.

He should head back to the motel except -

"Would you like to take a walk with me?"

 _Yes,_ he wanted to say.

"Is there anything more cliché than walking by the beach after a dinner?" he snorted.

"No, as matter of fact, I do not think it is corny because this is not a date. Regardless, suit yourself," she jutted her chin stubbornly. "I will see you next year at the party, assuming nothing comes up in between."

Next year was too long. Next year was 365 days away. Even so, next year was not a surety. She could be held up in a meeting like she was during Finn's first birthday and wouldn't be able to make it or he could forget himself and drink too much to make it to Finn's party.

Haymitch caught up with her and the surprise on her face made it worth while.

"Here," he dragged her closer to the water. "If you want corny – toes in the sand, eyes closed and hands spread out as if you're flying. There - now you're like Rose – corniest shit I've ever seen on TV."

He meant to mock her. He meant for it to amuse him at her expense. He was not prepared to be rooted to the spot by the sight her laughing at him as she indulged him with her hands outstretched on her sides, hair flying behind her and her dress whipping in the wind.

"A Rose needs her Jack, no?" Effie taunted.

Haymitch cleared his throat uncomfortably.

"Jack died. What's the point?"

"Oh, Haymitch, he loved her till his last - "

She broke off suddenly and he was startled by her scream when a tiny crab scuttled past her feet.

"Too much excitement. Time to leave," he teased.

It was not a date just as the three other separate occasions that they spent together were not. Nothing happened that night.

In the weeks that followed, the text messages they exchanged was sparse. Effie grew increasingly busy with work and did not turn up when Finnick, Annie and Johanna dropped by Peeta's and Katniss' house for dinner.

Haymitch did not ask after her but he picked up information from their conversation. He knew she had been invited. He knew Finnick had really wanted her there. He knew Peeta had promised to show her his garden and paintings, and had wanted this opportunity to do so.

"You ever talk to her other than at Finn's party?" Johanna asked.

"Uh – yeah, once," Haymitch answered. "Took her to the play none of you wanted the tickets to."

He pretended not to notice the surprise that passed between Finnick and Johanna. Katniss and Peeta had not told them then, he concluded.

It was winter when they met next.

With his black woollen jacket buttoned to the neck and his hands buried deep in his pocket, Haymitch walked silently, weaving his ways amongst the tombstones in the graveyard. He made it to the bar. One shot became two, and that eventually became one too many.

It was the anniversary of his family's and his girl's death, and by the end of the night, he was well on his way to being hammered. He was a danger on the road and couldn't drive himself home. It was cold and he would freeze on the street.

It was Effie he called.

"Sweetheart, how you doing?" He slurred. "Long time no talk."

"It's one in the morning, Haymitch."

She did not sound please at all.

"Come pick me up. I'm at... I'm at – uh – I ain't sure," he mumbled to himself. "Listen, I'm gonna ask someone inside for an address. Call you back."

He hung up abruptly and stumbled to the barkeeper for help. Haymitch called her again within minutes.

"Haymitch, this is not funny," she hissed into the receiver. "Hang up and go to sleep. I do not appreciate you disrupting my night."

"No, no, hold on," he said in a rush, trying hard to focus. "You gotta... You got to come out here. You got to pick me up. Don't tell the kids. I can't drive. You get it? I _can't_ drive – I'm gonna get someone killed."

"Are you drunk?"

"You're the only one I got, sweetheart."

Effie sighed. "What is the address?"

For the first time, Effie brought him to her house. Haymitch found himself waking up late in the morning on an unfamiliar bed and in fresh clothes. There was a glass of water and aspirin on the bedside table.

His memories were quite hazy but he thought he might have thrown up on her carpet.

His stomach was grumbling and motivated by his hunger, he rummaged through her kitchen, fixing himself a sandwich.

Haymitch waited for her that night. It didn't feel right to just leave.

Effie returned home to the sight of him on her sofa, legs outstretched on the coffee table and crossed at the ankles.

"Oh," she stopped when she saw him. "You're still here."

He rose to his feet and glanced at her sheepishly.

"Yeah, I – um – wanted to ... I got hungry and made a sandwich. I hope you don't mind."

She pursed her lips, her gaze darting from the empty plate on the coffee table to him standing in front of her. He knew when his presence was no longer warranted.

"About last night... Sorry 'bout your carpet. The kids, do they – "

"They are unaware," Effie assured him. "I didn't tell them."

"Alright, okay. Good," he nodded. "Thanks, sweetheart. I owe you."

"Shall I collect the debt now, then?"

"Collect..." He trailed off. "It's your right. Just don't let it be somethin' horrible."

"I need a date," Effie stated calmly.

His first reaction was defensive. He frowned fiercely.

"I already told you that I don't do - "

"I know, I am quite aware," Effie interrupted. "I've been put in quite a spot. My ex is getting married. He invited me, naturally. But ... I cannot possibly attend on my own. I cannot attend _alone_. People will start talking. You just have to pretend to be my date for a few hours. That's all – I promise."

"Come on, Effie," he grumbled loudly.

"Please," Effie grabbed his wrists. "You owe me, remember? I drove out all the way in the cold winter night to some shady bar in a questionable neighbourhood to pick you up. I made sure you were safe, comfortable and clean. I - "

"Okay, alright," he raised both hands in surrender. "Fine. I'll go and then we're even."

To say he was caught off guard would be an understatement. He was completely blindsided and terribly unprepared when Effie introduced him and let everyone formed the impression that he was her 'significant other' – a label that made him cringe – and to prove the point, she kissed him full on his mouth.

Effie spent the night close to him – her hand in his, her arm around his waist, her fingers deftly fixing his tie and his collars with the smell of her hair and perfume overwhelming him. Haymitch however, spent all of _his_ night waiting for the kiss to happen again. He knew now what it was like to have a taste of her and the feel of her lips moving against his own, and he wanted more.

What was it that she had told him once? That there was no point waiting around and that she believed firmly in taking actions?

He could learn a thing or two from her life philosophy.

So when nothing else happened for the rest of the night, Haymitch took control. He wanted her. There was nothing else he was sure about than that. He wanted her.

Haymitch kissed her when he dropped her off at her house. The kiss was insistent and demanding. His hands roamed her back, moving lower and lower. He kept waiting for the push and the inevitable rejection that she did not want it. He slowed down his kisses to give her the chance to say no because he would back away but it never came.

Effie kissed him harder as she threaded her fingers into his hair with her nails lightly scraping against his scalp.

That was all he needed.

He kicked the front door close and they stumbled into her bedroom.

Haymitch found comfort and contentment in being with her, in touching her and hearing her moan, in watching her lose control. Waking up to the sight of her was something he wanted more of so it happened again and again, and again.

"You are truly the best I've ever had," Effie admitted one night, slightly out of breath.

Haymitch rolled off her. "Cliché," he muttered. "I thought we weren't gonna do cliché."

"No, we're going do to the truth, and that's the truth."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yes. One other truth?" she propped her chin on his chest to watch him. "Against my better judgment, I completely adore you."

"Go to sleep."

When Katniss and Peeta finally tied the knot sometime after Haymitch and Effie started sleeping together, the seating arrangement included having Haymitch seated right next to Hazelle Hawthorne, a neighbour and Effie, next to Plutarch Heavensbee.

Haymitch seethed. Likewise, Effie was not pleased.

From across the room, Effie shot him a glare as if it was _his_ fault that they were seated separately.

"You do realise that was highly unnecessary," Effie hissed when he pulled her into an empty hallway. "You do see it for what it is, don't you? The children are still meddling. They are still pushing us towards other people hoping for something!"

"I know," Haymitch placated. With his hands on either side of her cheeks, he tilted her head up so he could kiss her. "I don't wanna fight. You're fuckin' hot in this dress. If you want to argue 'bout the seating arrangement then make sure it leads to some hot make up sex otherwise, I don't want to fight with you."

"Kiss me already, you stupid man. I've been waiting for it since I saw you in that suit. You clean up well. You look ravishing," she whispered.

He didn't need to be told twice. "We can get outta here."

"We should tell them," Effie suggested tentatively, hours after the wedding when they were both naked under the covers. "We should tell them about us."

Haymitch let out a breath.

"Not yet – it ain't time. I don't want them to think that they've won."

"It's not a competition, Haymitch," she frowned.

"I don't want to give them that satisfaction."

She huffed loudly and threw the covers back. Leaving the warmth of the bed, she grabbed her pack and lighter, and made her way to the balcony.

He joined her out at the balcony just as she lighted up the second stick.

"It's fuckin' cold out here."

Effie ignored him. "Am I just a good fuck to you? Are you waiting to get bored of me so you will never have to tell them about us?"

"You're overthinking."

"Don't trivialise my feelings," she retorted. "There's nothing wrong with admitting that they were the reason we met. They wouldn't throw it in your face. Those children love us, Haymitch. They want the best for us and they will be happy for us."

"Come back to bed, Effie," he stepped behind her. His hands were on her waist and he kissed the side of her neck. "You're gonna be busy with that new shipment and I ain't gonna see you for days. You really want to spend tonight arguing?"

"I'm just – "

He didn't let her finish that sentence. He kissed and touched until she melted against him and then he carried her to bed.

Finn turned four soon enough. Again, there was a get together. Effie and Haymitch arrived separately – Effie on her own while Haymitch came with Katniss and Peeta.

"I feel old," Effie commented when Haymitch wandered over to stand next to her by the bay window. "Time seems to fly. Don't you get that feeling? Finn's already four."

"Feelin' melancholy, sweetheart?"

"We've known each other for a little over two years now, Haymitch."

"I'll drink to that," he raised his glass to her. "Shrimp cocktail again later?"

"Are you asking me out?" Effie teased. "That will be a first in – "

"Effie," Annie called out. "Effie, please, would you mind helping me with the cake?"

With a last parting glance and a smile, she left his side. Haymitch dropped on the nearest sofa. Seeing that, Finn joined him to sit on his lap.

"Aunt Effie got me this," Finn told him, showing off a complete set of colouring book and coloured pencils.

"Nice," Haymitch nodded distractedly.

He was watching her every move. He couldn't help it. When she glanced up in his direction, he smirked.

"Johanna's got a friend, Effie," Finnick said, taking the plates of cake from Effie to hand it to everyone in the room. "His name's Blight and – "

"Give it a rest," Haymitch cut Finnick off. "It's been two fuckin' years and you're still trying to set her up on a date. Maybe she's found someone. Ever thought of that?"

"Haymitch! Mind your language," Effie scolded. "You have Finn on your lap."

"She hasn't," Finnick stated. "If she has, she would have told me. You haven't, have you, Effie?"

"I'm telling you, she has," Haymitch insisted.

"How would you know that?" Johanna crossed her arms and stared him down. " _You_ haven't."

"I ain't her, _obviously_."

The knife forgotten on the table, Effie was watching this unfold with a tinge of curiousity. She licked her lips nervously wondering where any of this was going.

"Blight's not bad," Johanna spoke to Effie. "I don't care one way or the other if you meet him but Finnick's been asking if I know anyone. Blight's lost his wife three years ago. It's time he meets someone new."

"Who is this Blight?" Haymitch narrowed his eyes.

"Why are _you_ so interested in him?" Johanna demanded. "He's my neighbour."

"Gotta make sure you ain't throwing her to the sharks. Is he an asshole?"

"Oh, you mean, like how you were to her?" Johanna retorted.

"Touché."

"Finnick," Effie stepped in before things could get out of hand. "I know you have the best intention in mind but I am … I am doing quite well at the moment. I'm not quite keen on meeting anyone new right now."

On the sofa, Haymitch was positively smug. "You heard that?"

"I will definitely let you know if I want to – "

"If you want to what, sweetheart?" Haymitch broke into the conversation.

"I think something interesting's about to happen," Peeta whispered to Katniss. "Haymitch is acting a little off – a bit wound up, if you ask me."

"That is quite enough, Haymitch. This jealousy coming from you is unwarranted," Effie snapped, clearly not in the mood for his antics. "You wouldn't have to worry about anyone in this room trying to set me up on any further dates if you only come clean."

He raised an eyebrow at her.

"What's going on?" Finnick asked. "Did I touch a nerve? Haymitch?"

Without a word, Haymitch pushed himself up and marched towards where Effie was standing and glaring at him. He grabbed her arms and pulled her forward. The kiss left her gasping in surprise but it managed to wipe the frown away.

Johanna started laughing. "Damn, so _that's_ why."

Katniss was gaping at them, half confused and half in disbelief.

Peeta and Finnick stared but it was Peeta who recovered first.

"I think it will be safer not bring up Blight's name anymore," Peeta advised Finnick.

Despite all the conversation going on around him, Haymitch did not stop kissing her. His hand which was on the small of her back ghosted upwards along her spine to grip gently the back of her neck. He dipped her back slightly to deepen the kiss because it amused him to see everyone including Effie in a state.

"Daddy?" Finn tugged on Finnick's trousers. "What's Uncle Haymitch doing?"

"He's being funny again. You know your Uncle Haymitch," Finnick tousled his son's hair. "Stop it, you two. You're giving my son nightmares and just a gentle reminder, it's _his_ birthday. Don't steal the show."

Haymitch drew back with a grin. He never took his eyes off her, watching the blush spread from her cheeks down to her neck.

"What was that about?" she asked, a little out of breath. "A show of possessiveness?"

"Stating my claim," Haymitch answered as he rubbed his thumb on the corner of her lips. "You've got smudged lipstick there."

"Oh? So _now_ when there's a possibility of someone else, that's when you want to state your claim?"

"There's no one else. There _won't_ be anyone else," he tightened his hold on her and she wound an arm around his waist to lean against him. "Gave them a good show, didn't I?"

"You are an abomination," she said with just the right hint of fondness that it made him smile.

"And yet... You chose me."

"Sorry to interrupt," Peeta stepped forward, "but how long has this been going on?"

"It happened right under your fucking noses," Johanna chortled. "You stay next to him and you're so fucking blind to it."

"In their defense," Effie answered, "I hardly visited Haymitch's place. It is not their fault that they are unaware. We chose to keep it to ourselves."

"I am very offended by that," Finnick announced dramatically, a hand over his chest. "Terribly offended."

"Okay, so how long?" Johanna pressed.

Haymitch and Effie exchanged a look.

"About a year," Effie confessed.

"Holy shit," Johanna whistled. "Sorry, Finn, not a good word to pick up. Say, shucks, okay? I got to ask something," she lowered her voice so Finn wouldn't pick up on it. "You're not fucking with us to make Finnick stop, right? This is not some sick show you and Trinket put up 'cause if it is, I got to give it to you for the length you are willing to go to make Finnick stop."

"Nah, the only one I'm fucking is her."

"Haymitch!" Effie exclaimed.

"A'right, no more questions. You," he turned towards Finnick, "stop tryin' to play matchmaker. She's not going on any more dates and you two," he addressed Katniss and Peeta, "I ain't interested in Hazelle – you should have known that the first time – and I sure as hell ain't interest in any other women. So quit meddling."

"But it's _our_ meddling that resulted in this," Katniss gestured at them. "Give us a little credit."

Peeta raised both hands in a gesture of peace. "I got your message, Haymitch. We only wanted you to make the best of your life and be happy."

"Haymitch appreciates it very much. He is just not quite good at articulating it. Now," Effie's face lighted up in a smile. "As tradition will have it, Haymitch is taking me to the Seafood Shack. Don't wait up for us."

"You've been taking her out on dates to the Seafood Shack?"

"No," Haymitch retorted just as Effie gave a resounding, "Yes."

"Tradition?" Haymitch scoffed as they walked towards the restaurant. "Those times were never a date."

"Not to you, maybe," she said without looking at him, "but they were to me – the play was one and those times at Seafood Shack... Seafood Shack is _ours_."

 _Ours,_ he liked the sound of that but -

"Those weren't dates," he argued. "You paid the bill the second time we were here."

"Haymitch, these are modern times. Women can pay the bills on subsequent dates."

"It wasn't a date," Haymitch insisted. "Besides, it's not... A gentleman wouldn't have let that happen."

"As fate would have it, you are not a gentleman so let the issue rest. Do not ruin tonight by being stubborn."

"You're one to say."

"Haymitch," she touched his wrist and he stopped to look at her. "I do not like people interfering with my life but I'm glad they children did. I'm glad I met you."

"Even though, your first impression of me wasn't the best?" He smirked and nudged her closer to him with a hand on her waist.

"Well, first impressions are rarely true," she pecked his lips. "You weren't interested in dating me. Instead, you became a friend and you learn things about me - things that drive me; that scare me; my hopes and my dreams, and likewise."

"I supposed…." he cleared his throat. "You're one hell of a woman, sweetheart. Didn't dismiss me outright even after the way I acted the first time we met. Gotta admit – I was surprised you even talked to me afterwards when we met again. Must be my charm," he winked.

"Oh, please," she laughed with her head thrown back.

Haymitch couldn't help it. He placed a kiss on the column on her throat.

"Take me out, Haymitch," she hand fluttered to his cheek, "and make it a good one."

* * *

 _This was a very long chapter which I enjoyed writing so much. I was not expecting to love Haymitch and Effie in this au setting but I do! And I wish I had the time to write more chapters but sadly, I do not. In any case, I think I've wrapped the plot to complete the premise of the story._

 _I hope you still remember the first few scenes in the chapter and that the length did not have a recency effect on you. ;) Review, review! I want to know what your thoughts are every single 'get together' that they have from Haymitch as a chauffeur, to the play, to seafood shack, Haymitch pretending to be her date and so on! Indulge me and let me know._

 _Thanks so much for reading this story!_


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